"God, how do I trust You with something so far beyond my control?" I asked.
"Simple," He whispers in reply. "You have to."
If you think you know God (or anyone, for that matter), you're not doing it right. As Rich Mullins once said:
God is a wild man...should you encounter him...hang on for dear life or let go for dear life is a better way to say it.
A wild man. That He is!
Hebrews 10:31 puts it like this: "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."
If you've never been so fortunate as to be knocked off your horse, sucker-punched square between the eyes, or you've never experienced falling up, I pray that you do. The beautiful, wonderful, mysterious thing about God is He shows us this part of Himself once we think we know Him. As soon as we assume we know Him, He strips the carpet from beneath our feet and sends us falling to our knees in worshipful awe of His majesty.
Think I'm nuts? Maybe. I'm not sure that you're wrong. A week ago, a self-confident me would've sat on a pedestal dishing out advice on five ways to a better you. I would've given you a pep talk or a kick in the pants and sent you on your merry way. Today, my thoughts begin and end with knowing Him...or, rather, rediscovering Him for the very first time.
Last week God sent someone into my life to interrupt my plans and destroy everything I ever thought I knew about God.
He picked up my neatly filed memoirs (the script I had written for my own life), on my neatly organized desk, and tossed them carelessly into the air. I watched in awe as those memoirs burst into a million pieces of confetti, which are now showering down from my sky forever. This girl was interrupted alright, but in a good way. Everything I thought I knew about anything flew out the window. My self-confidence (literally, my confidence in my own self) was flushed down the toilet, reminding me of my absolute futility to do anything without God. (John 15:5). My lofty plans suddenly seemed so miniscule in comparison to the allure of the great and powerful unknown. I was stripped bare to the very core, exposed and vulnerable and alive for the first time, maybe, ever. How rude! And yet, how merciful to draw me out of my complacency and into something real.
For the first time in a long time I encountered something genuinely Divine. You know you've had this experience if it's something you can't wrap your mind or your arms around. It doesn't make sense and you can't explain it. But you know it to be real. Perhaps you alone know it's real.
Like a hurricane, my world was rocked and left in shambles. I experienced something Holy. Something wholly different than most people will ever experience. I experienced an awesome and mighty, powerful God, who cares infinitely more than I do about you and me and others.
My socks were rocked. This rolling stone realized for the first time ever she can't do this life alone. We need people; we need God.
Now I see Him again for the very first time: He's beautiful. And dangerous. And lovely. And wild.
There must be something in the water. I'm diving in way too deep and I'm in over my head. Lord, teach me to swim, and to enjoy it as I do.
"Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets for a catch." ~ Luke 5:4.
May you, too, be rocked by the recklessly exciting love of the Father. May it hunt you down and find you where and when you least expect it. May He jump out at you and startle you and change your life forever, as He has mine.
And, to my dear friend who tossed my life into uncertainty: thank you. For interrupting my plans. You are the hands and feet of an Almighty, Loving God, and because of your relentless pursuit of Him, this girl's life is changed forever.
"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." ~ Proverbs 27:17.
Thank God for His unconventional answers to prayer. His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts.
"For you, O Lord, have made me glad by what You have done, I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands. How great are Your works, O Lord! Your thoughts are very deep." ~Psalm 92:4-5.
Whatever just happened is way beyond me...and I love it!
"Ok, God..." I say. "Let's do this!"