Extra! Extra!!! Newsflash, Church: We Have Free Will!

The revelation hit me full speed like a basketball flying at the head of a disengaged kid in a basketball game.   

I stood there, stunned, with mouth agape at the realization that I had believed a lie.  A big, fat, elephant-sized lie.  As have many of my friends who've grown up around modern Church culture.  To cut to the chase:  I realized God has, in fact, given us free will - and, yes, including in our relationships.  Shocking to many of you.  "Uh-Duh"-ingly obvious to most everyone else on earth.  It's a revolutionary concept.  Allow me to explain.

I believe in this beautiful concept called free will.  Life is not a foregone conclusion.  Life is a free choice every day.  Yes, our eternal life and future is secured in Christ, but how we choose to live it is up to us now.

I know "free will" is trending out of fashion these days in the church like yoga pants and 70s hair, but, baby, it's time to bring free will back!

 A Bit of History

For me, I started pondering this subject years ago, when I first heard the words: 

"God told me you're my wife."  

I wish I could say that was the only time I heard that phrase lobbed at me, but I grew quite accustomed to it during a certain strange season of my life.  "Step in line, fellas," I should've said.  (I always think of come-backs a little too late...a few years too late, in this case!) 

This particular man was persuaded that I was being 'disobedient' because 'God' had told him that I was to be his wife and I just wasn't listening.  He also lived in a bus (not that there's anything wrong with that!)  He was estranged from his family.  And he held himself out to be a pastor.  He knew a lot of scripture.  He could quote the bible 'real good' and sounded darn persuasive when he did.  He wrote me letters often telling me that I was his wife.  It was kind of "cute" in a creepy sorta way...until the disembodied, threatening phone calls came in and I had to block his phone calls. 

I was just a young pup, but it didn't take me long to realize this man was hearing from someone, but he was definitely not hearing from God. (Sorry, Rich!  Didn't catch that memo.  God must've forgotten to tell me!)

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me...~John 10:27.

And a stranger they will not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers."  ~ John 10:5. 

What I didn't realize then is obvious to me now: by assigning blame to God and accusing me of 'disobeying God's will,' he was actually exerting power and control over me ~ a tell-tale sign of abusers.  I mean, if God said I was to be this man's wife, how could I argue with God?!  Instead of owning it and saying he liked me, he just blamed God and didn't give me a choice in the matter.  "If it's God's will, after all, you can't blame me!" he was basically saying.  I realize now this man, knowingly or not, was guilty of emotional rape.  By playing the "God" card, he was trying to take by force my hand in marriage, which he knew he would not be given by my consent.  What a devastating breach of trust! 

The good news is: we are not helpless.  Our wills do matter.

Life is a Choice

"O foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you, that you should not obey the truth?" ~ Galatians 3:1. (Rhetorical answer: no one!)

Good news!  We choose who and what we believe.  If someone comes up to you and says God told them (but not you!) that you are their marriage partner: you can RUN!!!  If a self-proclaimed prophet looks into the crystal ball of your future and declares your future mate, you can say "See ya, stranger!"  You don't have to follow them. 

Instead of looking into a crystal ball, how about looking into a mirror?  

You can look into the mirror and say: "I choose how I handle whatever situations come my way today."  You want to know your future?  Choose it.  You will either choose yourself, or allow those decisions to be made for you — by time, circumstance, or other people.  Voila!  Behold: your future.

It dawned on me lately that God allows us to choose whether or not to be in a relationship with Him. He doesn't force us to love Him.  He doesn't hold us at gunpoint to obey Him.  He gave us free will, so choosing to love Him would actually mean something.  Why on earth, then, would he force us to love another person 'until death do us part' without our consent?  If we can choose our relationship with Him, why on earth wouldn't He allow us to choose the other relationships in our lives?  The truth is: we do choose.  We just use God as a scape goat a lot of the time. 

If you struggle with this concept, as I did, here's some food for thought.  Let's address the romance issue in particular.  How romantic is it, really, to have someone say: "This is a foregone conclusion.  Let's get hitched. You and I have no choice in the matter."  Real sexy.  I would much rather say someday to the man I love: "you're the one I choose."  (Yes, hopefully with God's help!)  And I hope he, of his own free will, says back to me: "I choose you, too!"  That means something to me.  It's not forced, it's FREEDOM!!!  No shifting blame on God.  None of this "I had no choice in the matter, so if it sucks I have no responsibility for it."  No blame shifting!  We choose to love, or not.  

I can think of nothing more romantic than two people of their own free will choosing to come together and face the challenges of life together as one.  Not because they got peer pressured into it by guilt, fear and condemnation, but because they were motivated by genuine, authentic Love.  That's freedom, baby!!!

Free will.  It's a beautiful, wonderful thing.