"I
write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the Word of God abides in
you, and you have overcome the wicked one." ~ 1 John 2:14.
I dedicate
this post to my men friends, whom I love, cherish and admire as companions and
brothers; and, to my future husband.
Know this, mighty men: you may lose a battle, but Love has won the war. May your struggles be met by His compassion
and mercy, and may you forever walk in the light of His love.
No sin, no shame
No past, no pain
Can separate me from (God's) Love.
~ "Unstoppable Love" by Kim Walker,
Romans 8:38-39.
Sex. It's a
touchy subject. Too many people have
been hurt by sex abuse. Too many people
devalue or overvalue its importance.
Today we look at God's purpose for sex and, specifically, how the enemy has twisted that purpose through pornography.
To
some, sex is violence. To others, sex is
ecstasy. To God, sex is holy.
Today we look at God's purpose for sex and, specifically, how the enemy has twisted that purpose through pornography.
God's Purpose for Sex
The same God who said "It is not good for man
to be alone," (Genesis 2:18) said Adam and his wife, Eve, were both
"naked and not ashamed" (Genesis 2:25). God designed sex. By God's design, sex builds trust, creates
intimacy, restores relationships, expresses self-less love, and fulfills
desire.
Sex is good.
The abuse of sex is bad.
Pornography
Pornography. It's the hidden part of your life that your
girlfriend, your wife, your friends, your family don't know about. Or so you think. It's "my little secret" that's
really no big deal. I mean every guy
does it, right? And it doesn't really
hurt anyone....
And
yet.
If
you're really proud of something, you put it on the wall for all to see. You display it openly. But pornography thrives in secret, in the
dark where no one's watching. My friend called
pornography "the Millennial's form of prostitution."
"Where our forefathers stumbled into brothels," he commented,
"men today shut their doors, turn off the light, and turn on their
laptops. They shut the door and block out the light."
Every guy I've ever talked to about this has said
the same thing: "Every guy has struggled with porn at some point in his
life." Wow! That's quite a statement. So, men, take heart: you're not alone. But just because "everyone does
it," doesn't mean that viewing pornography is "no big
deal." It means, in fact, that porn
is a big deal - a bigger deal than
just you — which makes it all the more worth addressing.
Speaking with men over the years who have struggled
with porn, I've heard a variety of reasons for viewing porn:
"I was exposed to porn at a
young age."
"I was sexually abused as a
kid."
"Peer pressure."
"It's a guy thing."
"It's really no big deal."
But the underlying heart cry remains the same:
"How can I ever have a real
relationship?"
"I'm afraid I could never have
a wife, because of what I've done and still do..."
"I don't want to be hurt
again...watching porn is easier than being in a relationship."
"I feel dirty."
"I'm ashamed."
The language of pornography users is the language of
surrender:
"I just give in."
"I cave."
"I can't help myself!"
It's like a conspiracy that overwhelms and overtakes
the unsuspecting.
The problem with pornography, like all of the
devil's schemes, is it replaces a divine truth with an empty counterfeit. It promises you the world and leaves you
empty-handed. It promises to complete
what's missing in you, but instead it leaves you broken. Pornography is like a sugar high with
crashing lows. Some studies have
postulated that pornography has the same addictive effects as cocaine on the
brain. Unlike cocaine, however,
pornography is freely accessible and only one click away.
Pornography promises intimacy,
but
leaves you lonely;
Pornography promises satisfaction,
but
leaves you wanting;
Pornography promises beauty,
but
leaves you feeling ugly, unclean and
ashamed.
Pornography damages the viewer. It breaks trust, diminishes intimacy, hinders
relationships, and leaves us wanting for more, like an all-consuming
vacuum.
God never does that.
He always fulfills His
promises. If you struggle with pornography,
as so many men and women do, fear not!
There is a way out: inviting God in.
There is a way out: inviting God in.
Love's
Response
Part of the reason I think Christians struggle so
much with pornography is the culture of shame and repression and outright fear
of sex perpetuated by so many pulpits. People don't want to mess up sexually, so if
they're going to sin, at least it's not with another person, right? Makes sense, yeah? But this evidences a fundamental
misunderstanding of God's purpose for sex.
Intrinsic in the belief that we have to repress ourselves sexually (and,
thus, look for outlets like pornography) is the thought that God won't provide
us with a partner or a "help suitable" for us (Genesis 2:18), or at
least not soon enough!
But hear this truth:
"No
good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly."
~ Psalm 84:11.
~ Psalm 84:11.
Christians, God is not withholding sex from us;
He's preserving sex for us, to richly
enjoy in a loving, safe, covenant-protected marriage. God designed sex as holy (set apart). He created sex as the holiest, most intimate
physical expression of partnership between a man and a woman. Sex is beautiful by God's design.
God is not embarrassed by sex and He does not enjoy
watching you suffer. (God created
sex!) God is not mad at you. God just hates that pornography leaves you
unfulfilled, like an elusive mirage in the desert. God hates that pornography leaves you naked
and ashamed, when God holds the real deal for you in His hands. God hates that you are demanding what does
not satisfy, when His promise has been available to you all along: your
intimate relationship with Him, and your relationship with an amazing partner
with whom you can run, and win, the race.
He doesn't want you to miss out on that.
See, God's not up in the sky waving an angry finger at you like most men think He is. No, God does not see you as filthy and unclean. He does not see you as a desperate, pathetic mess. He is not ashamed to call you His son. You may think that, but God does not.
Look
no further than the Story of Hosea to see how Love responds with compassion to
unfaithfulness. Or the prodigal son, who
after wasting his inheritance on women and wild living, was welcomed back with open
arms and lavish gifts from a Father awaiting his return. (Luke 15:11-32). Or the woman caught in the very act of
adultery who was told by Jesus, "neither do I condemn you;" instead,
His mercy and love empowered her to "go, and sin no more" (John
8:1-11). The same loving God wants to
welcome you back into His warm embrace, to show you His faithful love, and to
free you from the chains of your past and present shame and regret. Allow Him to remove your cloak of shame and
clothe you with His robe of righteousness.
In Christ, you are forgiven and free.
One
man testifies he overcame his porn habit by praying that God would help him
view humanity through Christ's eyes. His
heart underwent a revolutionary change once he started seeing people as
spiritual beings and children of God, rather than objects of sex. He now sees women as companions to be cherished rather than objects to be conquered.
When
we return to God,
God trades what is fake,
for what is real;
God
trades our loneliness,
for relationship;
God
trades our wants,
for
longings fulfilled;
God
trades our filth,
for beauty;
God
trades the profane,
for
what is sacred;
God
trades our shame,
for
His virtue.
There is Hope
Isaiah 54:4 ~ Fear
not; for you shall not be ashamed: neither be confounded; for you shall not be
put to shame: for you shall forget the shame of your youth, and
shall not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore...
You,
dear reader, are loved by an Almighty God.
He is not ashamed of you. He
loves you. And, as a woman of God, I find
no fault in you.
Get help if you struggle with pornography. You can't do this alone, without God. We can do nothing without Him (John 15:5). Go boldly to the throne of grace and get
grace to help in your time of need. And,
if you want additional resources, check out this article about one church who
is reaching porn viewers with the love of Christ:
Or this book, Surfing for God, comes highly
recommended if you're looking for a more in-depth study on the topic:
The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty
one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will rejoice over you with songs
of deliverance. ~Zephaniah 3:17.
My dear brothers, walk in the light as He is in the
light (1 John 1:7). In Christ, you are free.
Love,
~Allie
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