Believe-It-Or-Nots

Have you ever heard someone (ahem, perhaps yourself) say: "If only I had enough faith, then (such and such) would happen."  Or, "Lord, help my unbelief!"  If you've said or thought that, you're not alone.  I have too.

But I think this has gotten to be a religious ritual, err, scapegoat.  As an excuse for why things do or don't happen, we've just said "well, I didn't believe enough."  That's a sad gospel if it's true, my friends.  That is not good news.  Whenever did I have the faith on my own to believe enough?  Surely not before I knew God, and certainly not since I've known God have I graduated to a "do-it-yourself" faith.

2 Corinthians 11:3 warns us not to be corrupted from the simplicity of the faith.  So let's go back to the basics today on this issue of belief.  I submit to you there's no such thing as not believing enough.  There's only what I'll call "believe-it-or-nots."  You either believe it - or not.  Simple, eh?

If I told you the sky was blue, you wouldn't have to conjure up belief within yourself to ascend to the revelation that the sky is blue.  You would either believe me, or not.  Now you could argue with me about what shade of blue the sky is if you wanted, but the truth of the blueness of the sky would still stand.  The same is true with scripture.

You could read the verse "By His stripes I was healed." (1 Peter 2:24).  You could believe that, in fact, Jesus Christ bore your sins on the cross and by His wounds you were healed, that He took your pain so you wouldn't have to bear it.  You could believe that.  Or not.  Some people will flat out not believe it.  Others will be unsure.  This un-sureness will still manifest as unbelief, though, because he that wavers (doubts) is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed; that man shouldn't expect to receive anything of the Lord, for a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. (James 1:6-8).   So when you boil it down, you either believe it or you don't.

We try to religicize it and make whole doctrines diluting God's promises and elucidating why "this faith thing" just doesn't work, when, in fact, it's working all the time. 

For indeed we have had good news preached to us, just as they also; but the word they heard did not profit them, because it was not mixed with faith in those who heard.  ~Hebrews 4:2.

Are you a believer or not?  I'm persuaded that "unbeliever" doesn't mean someone who doesn't know God.  Unbelievers are people who have heard the Word and chosen not to believe it.  Unbelievers can profess themselves to be Christian, wear Christian badges, hold fancy titles, and even have seminary degrees.  Believers, on the other hand, need no introduction.  I don't need any glitz and glam if I believe God, because when I believe God the impossible manifests around me.  The fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, etc.) start sprouting up around me and within me when I believe God.  It's undeniable and unmistakable.  Newsflash, unbelievers:  it's undeniable and unmistakable, too, when you don't believe God.  Suddenly anger, bitterness, pride, evil speaking, and confusion sprout up around you and in you when you've hardened your heart against the promises of God.

Believe scripture?  Then, praise God, it's working!  Don't believe?  Praise God, it's still working and it won't profit you anything because it's not mixed with faith.  You get results either way!  

You don't have to confess scripture over yourself 100 times per day.  Only believe.  Jesus said: 

If you can believe, all things are possible to him that believes.  ~Mark 9:23.

So, what are you waiting for?  Do you believe it?  Or not?

Pride

"I'm not smart enough"

"I'm not pretty enough"

"I'm not good enough."

Chances are you think of these statements as self-deprecating, but did you realize these statements are actually pride in disguise?  Take a closer look.    

We normally think of pride or arrogance as thinking better of ourselves than we ought to think.  Indeed, scripture implores us not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to think.  Romans 12:3 says: " For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith."

That's one form of pride.  The other form is a more subtle, inverse pride.  Sometimes we think too much of ourselves, but oftentimes, we're not thinking highly enough.  Really it's two sides of the same coin.

Either form of pride says "I got this."  Pride is all about me - what I can or can't do and what I feel.  Humility, on the other hand, says "I can do nothing without Him." (John 15:5).  Humility is submission to what God says about you.  If God calls me the "righteousness of God in Christ" (2 Corinthians 5:21), then, by golly, that's what I am!  If God says "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength," (Philippians 4:13), then I can!  If God says that Christ in me can "preach the gospel to the poor, heal the brokenhearted, proclaim release to the captives, recovery of sight to the blind, and set the oppressed free," (Luke 4:18), then, in Christ, I will!  Humility is not about what I've done or can do, it's about what He did.  

Humility is boasting in the Lord! (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Humility says:

"I'm smart, because God made me smart."

"I'm beautiful, because God called me beautiful."

"I'm wanted, because God accepted me." 

"I'm good, because God is good and a good God made me!"

Friends, we don't need faith to feel defeated.  Anyone can do that.  We need faith to simply realize what Christ has already done.  If we've been translated into the Kingdom of Light and we belong to the Body of Christ, then feeling defeated is a form of pride, because He has already given us the victory.  Who are you to say you are a loser?  Who are you to say you're unworthy?  Who are you to say your life is beyond redemption?  Who are you to contradict God?  The value of your life is not up to you; it, quite literally, is on Him.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?  For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. ~ 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. 

Christ has won you the victory!  He has snatched the keys of Hell and triumphed over death - for you - once and for all.  You hold the keys to your freedom because Christ gave them to you.  Stop snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory.  You are already victorious in Christ.  Rejoice!  Love has won. 

In the words of Nelson Mandela:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Wishful Thinking

(Editor's note:  Sometimes what we call "faith" isn't faith at all.  Faith is not a feeling; it is a Spiritual Force.)

The following account is true.

(A cold and snowy December night, 12:01a.m.)

Ring...Ring...Ring...

Mom:  Hello? 

Me:     Mom!!!  Guess what?!!!

Mom:  What? ....  What time is it...? (sleepily)

Me:     He proposed!

Mom:  Who proposed?! 

Me:     Well, I just met him.  I don't really know him, but...he proposed! 

Mom:  What are you talking about?!!! (incredulously)

Me:     —And I'm actually considering it!!  (gleefully)

Mom:  What?!!!! 

***

And the sad news is: I did.  Consider it.  Briefly.  Well, for one week.  We broke up on Christmas Eve.  It was a hard Christmas that year.  It's hard to break up with someone you never actually dated, but I've proven it's possible more than once. 

My poor mother!  What could Mom see that I didn't?  I was suffering from a severe case of...

Wishful Thinking.

I confess I'm a hopeful romantic at heart.  Despite my lapses into cynicism over the years, I desperately hope that Love is real.  And not just God's Love, but true love between people. 

I've earned the epithets I've acquired over the years: quirky, an eternal optimist, delusional.  In different seasons these adjectives have painted an accurate portrait of me.  But today I want to trade all those epithets for this one: HOPE-ful.  I want my hope to be anchored in something real.  Let me show you what I mean.

My life used to be dramatic like this.  Apologies in advance for the graphic nature of this video...

"I will go down with this ship!"....glug, glug, glug.  Sounds noble, doesn't it?  Maybe.  But at the end of the day you're still sunk.  Today I would trade all the drama in the world for some authentic hope. 

If hope is the anchor of the soul, then wishful thinking is the leak that sinks the ship.  Wishful thinking doesn't even let you know you're sinking! 
 

Hope keeps you steady and afloat.  Hebrews 6:19 says: This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast.  An anchor is a source of security and stability.  Wishful thinking is "the unrealistic belief that something wished for is actually true or will be realized."  The dictionary defines wishful thinking as "interpretation of facts as one would like them to be rather than as they really are; imagining as actual what is not."  Unlike hope, wishful thinking is an ever changing wind: unsure and untrustworthy.  Hope is based on truth; wishful thinking is based on lies.

Have you ever heard yourself say, "I hope ____ happens."  Or "I sure hope so!"  What do we really mean by that?  Hope literally means to expect with confidence.  Our translation of hope, however, is usually "that would be nice, but it's probably not going to happen."  That's one way we misuse hope.

Or even worse yet, sometimes we say "it's going to be fine" without ever evaluating the reality of the situation.  The scary thing is "It's all going to be ok" can look like hope fueled by faith!  Sometimes it is.  And sometimes this is wishful thinking, commonly known as "Denial."  Wishful thinking tells you "it's all going to be okay" when it's not.  

How are we to know the difference?

Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. ~ 1 Corinthians 10:12.

In aviation the thought that "it could never happen to me" is called a hazardous attitude.  It's a dangerous thought.  This arrogance puts up blinders and gives pilots a false sense of security when real challenges lie ahead.  The cure for hazardous attitudes — in flying and in life — is humility and vigilance, seeking a deeper understanding of what could go wrong and facing head-on the real challenges before you.  It means being real about where you are and what you know; aware of the possibilities; living each moment as it comes; and making conscious decisions so those decision aren't made for you.

Hope is anchored in God's unchanging Word.  Wishful thinking has no basis other than a flimsy desire for something.  Wishful thinking is problematic because it is really disappointing when something you believed would happen doesn't happen.
 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. ~Proverbs 13:12.

Wishful thinking leaves you empty-handed, but Hope makes good on its promises. 

So what are you hoping for?  Good relationships?  Financial abundance?  Good health?  To know God more?  (3 John 2).  You don't have to sit there passively and say, "Well, that would be nice if..."  Go get it! 

Get what?  HOPE! 

Where?  In scripture. 

Why?  Because Hope is the first ingredient of faith!  Hope is faith's end goal.  There is no such thing as faith without Hope.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. ~Hebrews 11:1.

So what if you've been disappointed by wishful thinking in the past?  We all have.  Chalk it up to experience, learn from it, and move on.  

And if someone proposes to you on a whim: run, don't walk, to the nearest exit.  That's just wishful thinking.  I've since learned you can't have a relationship with someone with whom you don't have a relationship.  (Profound, I know, but very true.)

Dig deep into the scriptures and discover the One whose promises are sure.  Get to know Him!  He will fulfill the longings of your heart.  We don't have to go down with the ship.  We can anchor our Hope in something real.  And He won't disappoint.

"And now, Lord, for what do I wait?  My hope is in You." ~ Psalm 39:7.

Reset

Growing up, my summers were marked by playing Super Mario 3 on Nintendo with the boys.  The original, old-school Nintendo was one of my favorite childhood joys.  One of the greatest beauties of Nintendo to me was the reset button. 

No matter how many times you died in a video game, you could always come back to life through this magical grey button on the Nintendo box.  You were never invincible, per se, in video game land.  No, you could still die.  You could still get hurt.  You could still suffer setbacks that would take you hours to regain the ground you lost.  But there was always this option of starting afresh; this beautiful concept of resetting your game and being brought back to new life.   

Have you ever thought of how awesome it would be to push the reset button on your life? 

I mean, not to "end it," but to start where you left off when things took a turn for the worse.  Have you ever thought that you fouled up so badly that your life seemed beyond redemption?  I have.  How nice it would be to press the reset button on a screwed up relationship, messed up finances, or after dropping the ball on a work assignment!   Sometimes we just want the chance to start over again. 

The good news is, in Christ, we can.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.  ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17.

Brethren, I count not myself yet to have apprehended: but one thing I do, forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before, I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 3:14.

Have you ever played Mario Kart?  

I think God invented Mario Kart, because it truly is an amazing and prophetic game.  Go find it and play it for yourself if you don't believe me.  Mario Kart is a racing game in which players compete for the best finish time.  In Mario Kart you race laps around a track full of obstacles (like banana peels, grenades and what have you), and sometimes, in your haste, you veer off course. 

But what happens when you veer far enough off course? 

In that game, a giant hand from heaven comes down, picks you up and puts you back on the road, right where you left off.  What a beautiful image of what God does for us. 

Even when we were dead in sins, (He) has quickened us together with Christ, (by grace you are saved;) and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  ~ Ephesians 2:5-7

God will always do you one better.  He not only sets us back where we left off when we go off track; He sets us in a far better position than we could have ever obtained before.  In Mario Kart, time elapses.  You will be set back in your race for the time that you missed while off road.  In Christ, however, God redeems the time and He makes everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). 

I heard a minister testify once that he partied his 20s away.  At age 30 he answered God's call on his life to go into ministry.  As he started moving ahead in his ministry, though, he felt the strain of condemnation.  The whispers of the enemy started saying, "If you'd gone into ministry sooner, you'd be way further ahead than you are now!"  He felt condemned that he had wasted so much time.  He thought, gosh, what if I had started following God's plan for my life 20 years ago?  He inquired of the Lord on this issue and the response he received was beautiful:

"You would be right where you are right now."  Where is that?  Smack dab in the center of God's will for your life.

How is that possible?  Because God is that good.  His grace is that real and He is no respecter of persons (He doesn't play favorites).  That is just as true for me as it is for you.  Christians, I'm talking to you on this one.  All of us have messed up.  Maybe you've leaned on the crutch of "before I became a Christian, I did this and that..."  Well, what about after you became a new creation in Christ?  Some of you have fallen under condemnation for screw-ups after you became a Christian.  My friends, if while we were yet sinners Christ died for us, how much more is that true now?

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him.…~Romans 5:8.   

Run to Win

When you go off track, don't resist the hand from heaven trying to put you back on the right road.  Thank God for His mercy on your life and let Him take you there.  How beautiful it is to be reset in a better place than where we left off.  Keep running the race at full speed and win.

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. ~ 1 Corinthians 9:25.

Dismantling Chauvinism

#LikeAGirl

 

Chauvinism:  An attitude that members of your own sex are always better than the opposite sex.  It means you believe the opposite sex is inferior to your own, and unworthy of equal treatment.  Chauvinism is not just a guy thing; it’s a gal thing, too. 

While some men may slap hands over “score” boards and cat call women on the street, women may say that all men are idiots or malicious predators.  Both are different manifestations of the same bigotry.  Chauvinism at its heart is a distorted view of reality, which plays on our worst fears.  It's very similar to racism. 

***

Post-Civil War, a war-wearied nation emerged free from the shackles of slavery, but the Jim Crow South still showed a reckless and violent disregard for people of color through institutionalized bigotry.  The races were kept completely separate – in restaurants, on buses, in schools, restrooms and drinking fountains.  While the chains of slavery had been officially broken, the underlying bigotry that fueled slavery was still deeply rooted in American culture.  There were (and there still are) remnants of distrust between the races, which in the Jim Crow days was manifested not only by overt fighting words, but more so by the cold shoulder of disinterest and disdain for our neighbor because of the color of their skin.  Racism was just “the way it was.”  Like a pot boiling over, it was just a matter of time before the deep-seeded anger surfaced.  What lay beneath soon emerged to the surface in the Civil Rights Movement, a movement where people began to walk in the liberty already guaranteed them by the U.S. Constitution.     

***

Chauvinism and racism are two different creatures, but the same spirit of division fuels them both.  Like racism, chauvinism is something you feel.  People don’t have to say anything to display their attitudes toward people of a different sex.  The spirit of my attitude is on display for all to see through my words, actions or awkward interactions. 

How we view each other determines the quality of our relationships.  The bottom line is this:  Do we see each other as objects to be conquered or companions to be cherished?  How we answer that question will define the quality of not only our romantic relationships, but our platonic ones as well. 

If I see you as an object to be conquered, then it’s really not about you.  My relationship to you is only defined by what you can do for me.  I want you as long as I can use you, but then I can throw you away at will.  You become a play thing rather than a person to me.  That’s disgusting, I know, but is this happening even now?      

A cherished companion, however, is in it for the long-haul, through thick and through thin. 

  
It doesn’t matter what’s happening in life – in good times or bad times, a true friend will stick with you.  True friends don’t fizzle out when the going gets tough, but will bear your burdens and work through the hard stuff.  If I see you as a companion to be cherished, then I will role up my sleeves, wash your feet (at least metaphorically!) and lay down my life for you. (John 15:13).  That is Love.  That type of Love eschews selfish ambition and prefers you to me.    

Do you see the difference?   

One is selfish (childish/immature); the other is gracious and giving (grown up).  1 Corinthians 13:11. 

If I’m trying to objectify and conquer you, then that’s not on you; it’s bred out of my own insecurity that craves control.  Men and women, you don’t have to act tough if you are tough.  Strength speaks for itself.  We don’t have to overcompensate for our own insecurities by conquering and controlling others.

If I cherish you as a companion, then I don’t wake up in the morning wondering if you’ll still be in my life or if I need to cut and run.  I am devoted to you, no matter what.  In a relationship (friendship or otherwise) where I cherish you as my companion, I am strong.  If I cherish you, then I am being chiseled, with you, into a stronger, more durable companion as we face and overcome the challenges of life together.

Who do you want to be?

Someone who fits into the crowd, cracks crude jokes and demeans the opposite sex, or someone who, through your good deeds, puts to silence the ignorance of foolish men (and women)?  1 Peter 2:15.   

Today’s a new day.  The cease-fire in the battle of the sexes starts with us, and Love is always first to lead the way.  I may have missed it in the past, but I know which path to choose today.

but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Growing-Spiritually#sthash.qlIsKRQi.dpuf

 ...Speaking the truth in love, (we) may grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ. ~ Ephesians 4:15

PS ~ I have to laugh, because I know that some of you are disturbed by the fact that the video at the beginning of this post comes from an ad campaign sponsored by a feminine products company.  The *funny* thing is, some of you are more disturbed by that than you are by the real and latent prejudices between the sexes.  To which I say: case in point! :-)

but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Growing-Spiritually#sthash.qlIsKRQi.dpuf

Despising the Shame

Yesterday we talked about Leaving Egypt.  We said that before we can enter the Promised Land, we must leave behind what holds us captive.  I admit that it’s really tempting for me to skip over the Egypt / bondage part and get to the fun stuff.  But tearing down unhealthy relationships is an essential part of building the foundation for healthy ones.  You have to uproot the weeds before you can plant new seeds!   

I hated pulling weeds as a kid, honestly.  It was my least favorite chore.  Weed pulling seemed always to happen on hot days, when I really wasn’t in the mood (not that I ever was in the mood to pull weeds).  Putting work gloves on, kneeling in the dirt and pulling weeds from the garden was never fun, but it was necessary.  I’ve always enjoyed watching flowers in full bloom.  I wish flowers bloomed year round, but tending a garden takes work.  Flowers can’t grow and thrive in an environment where weeds are choking the life out of them.  Uprooting weeds cleanses the atmosphere where flowers live, so they can grow to full bloom.  That’s what we’re talking about: learning how to tend the gardens of our hearts and uprooting old, life-choking weeds so we can enjoy a lifetime of beautiful flowers.   

Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues (forces) of life. ~Proverbs 4:23

Suppose you’ve identified some abusive or unhealthy relationships in your life.  Or perhaps you’ve even gone a step further and taken the difficult, but necessary, step of saying: “No more.”  Now what? 

Chances are, if you are freshly stepping into your new freedom, your emotions are pulling at you.  You may feel remorse or doubts about your future.  Perhaps the most insidious sub-turf feeling you have is shame.  Shame is a deep sense of humiliation or embarrassment that strikes to the heart of who you are as a person.   

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.  But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement (payment) of our peace (wholeness) was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.  ~Isaiah 53:4-5

Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.  ~Hebrews 12:2

Don't be ashamed if you've been abused in your life.  That's not your fault.  Jesus Christ took the blame and carried your shame and nailed it to a cross.  He bears the scars to prove it.  That blame, that shame, is dead and gone, but Your Redeemer lives!  And for you abusers out there, you need to know that just as much as the people you hurt.  Christ died for you, too.  His love is big enough to cover your sins.  (1 Peter 4:8).  1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  Do it now!  Turn away from your abusive ways and turn into the embrace of a loving God who has never left your side, who never condemns you and who always wants to restore you with His love. 

A lot of you have been hurt.  Consequently, a lot of you say of yourselves, "I have anger problems."  Well today is the day to get rid of that once and for all.  You don't need years of counseling to hash and rehash every bad thing that you've done or what's been done to you.  I'm not knocking counseling.  Counseling helped me get back on my feet after breaking free from an abusive relationship.  But counseling is only helpful if you are bettered because of it.  (See Mark 5:25-34 for the story of the woman with the issue of blood who was nothing bettered after seeing physicians for 12 years, but one touch from Jesus Christ healed her completely in an instant.)  At a certain point we have to make a personal decision.  We have to choose whether to be defined by what has been done to us and/or wallow in the consequences of our own decisions, or we can choose to move forward and never look back.  

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.  ~Philippians 3:13-14

 

Why not today?  Why not right now?  Instead of repressing or medicating your anger, how about dealing with it?  Look, I understand you have legitimate reasons to be angry.  We all do.  But if that hurt and that anger is the undercurrent of every decision we make, how we see ourselves and how we treat others – then shouldn’t we just nip it in the bud and deal with it?  Abuse may have kicked your butt in the past, but why let it continue to beat you down now and into the future?  Let’s let go of the hurts of the past TODAY, so we can embrace a better tomorrow.  

Those hurts are just residual weeds that will try to choke the life out of your future relationships.  Pull those weeds and cultivate an atmosphere in your life that will allow new seeds to grow, flourish and bloom.        

Leaving Egypt

The Israelites had to leave Egypt (the place of bondage) before they could inherit the Promised Land.  Likewise, we have to leave behind what binds us before we can live free.  If we want to enjoy good relationships, we must first leave unhealthy ones behind.

 

Why do so many men and women stay in abusive relationships (physically, sexually or emotionally)?  

Our culture tends to diminish and ignore abuse, to sweep it under the rug and pretend like it's a unicorn - a mythical thing that happens to 'other' people, but not me.  Since our culture over-sensationalizes even the most trivial of pursuits, if there is such a thing as real abuse, it's probably not as bad as someone makes it out to be.  And certainly, it doesn't impact anyone I know personally.  Because the people I know are too smart, or too strong, or they would never get into a situation like that.  And if they did, then they would certainly kick the perpetrator’s butt!  Right...?

I laugh now, because I actually used to think and talk like that.  Until it happened to me.  Now I consider it part of my calling in life to show you what I could not see.       

If you’ve been browbeaten emotionally or hurt repeatedly by a person or group of people, part of you may really want to leave and get away from the abuse, but what holds you back?  This list is not exhaustive, but here are a few common lies that keep us captive and some Truth that will set you free:

#1        Denial:  “It’s really not so bad.”

Many ‘victims’ of abuse don’t leave because they think, “it really isn’t that bad” – or at least not bad enough to justify leaving.  From my own experience, I didn't even recognize the abuse I was in (or to what degree) until I was in too deep, and even then I was unwilling to admit that I was a 'victim' of violence.  No strong, independent person wants to acknowledge that they've been duped.  It's much easier to think, "I'm in control of this situation."  Sometimes people don’t leave because they never acknowledge the abuse, or its degree.  This is called denial.  The Truth is: if we want to live free, then we must not deny or diminish the reality of the abuse, but we must deny people the right to abuse us.

#2        It’s unloving to leave / I can rescue him or her

            If you’re unfortunate enough to have heard this one in Christian circles, I apologize to you on behalf of all that is Good and Holy.  The thought that “it’s unloving to leave” is a corollary to the Savior complex that whispers, “You can rescue them.”  The Truth is: sometimes walking in Love means walking away.  Only One is mighty to save and that ain’t you!  Love does not tolerate abuse: Love sacrificed all to put an end to abuse.  (John 3:16).  God is not an abusive Father.  He never has us suffer abuse.  God doesn't tempt man.  (James 1:13).  Rather, He makes a way of escape out of every situation.  (1 Corinthians 10:13).  When God Almighty gives you a way of escape, you better take it!  You'd be a FOOL not to take it.  If you find it hard to leave, as I did, then maybe that's an indicator that you care more about what people think than what God says.  I know!  That's a tough statement.  But once I meditated and got the revelation of "cursed is the man who trusts in man…but blessed is he whose trust is in the Lord" (Jeremiah 17:5-7), I broke free from my abuser.  Those first steps toward freedom hurt!  But, gosh, am I glad that I am free today.  You know, I never look back on those years nostalgically and think, "Man, if only I'd stayed in that abusive relationship..."  No!  I think, "Praise God, Almighty, I'm free at last!!!"  If I ever do look back, I don't see pain.  I see deliverance!  I see a faithful God who gave me a way of escape, who gave me strength when I had none.  I see a victory in the rearview mirror.  Thanks be to God, who always causes me to triumph through Christ!  

#3        It’s safer not to rock the boat.  If I leave, I’ll really get hurt!

When an abuser's power and control is threatened, people who have been hurt by the abuse are well aware of the consequences.  Leaving could mean death, serious injury, or in cases of emotional abuse, rejection, social ostracism, or loss of friends.  That is no light penalty, but FREEDOM is better than bondage any day of the week!!!  Don’t let that lying enemy con you into believing that it’s better to stay in an abusive relationship than to leave.  The Truth is:  You don't hurt more when you leave.  When you leave, you realize the hurt you were in.  That is not to say leaving is easy.  It’s not.  It takes great courage and it defies every emotion you have that screams at you to stay in your chains.  But it is the most freeing thing in life when you take that first step toward freedom, even though it hurts so badly.  Freedom is worth it.  

#4        If I leave, I’ll lose my relationship or my friends

I can't speak for men on this issue, but women are taught to reconcile.  Women who leave and don't reconcile are often labeled with a derogatory word that rhymes with "snitch."  And no one wants that label.  Women who stay are labeled as "weak" or stupid.  So it’s a lose-lose scenario if you’re measuring your progress by what an abuser will think of you.  This just in: the abuser hates you anyway!  Abusive people don’t care what you think, so why are you listening to them? 

Ah, but there’s the rub, right? 

Abusers don’t walk around with a scarlet “A” on them, do they?  We don’t label the people in our lives as ‘abusers.’  We call them our ‘friends,’ relatives, acquaintances, co-workers, and strangers.  Abusers most often are not strangers, but people with whom we’ve built relationships or people we’ve known all our lives.  Consequently, it’s easy to diminish or excuse the abuse.  But listen to your heart.  Imagine the same thing happening to you was happening to a young person you love dearly, like a son or daughter, niece or nephew.  Would you tolerate someone treating your young relative like that?  If not, maybe that’s an indicator that you need to get out of that situation.

This does not just apply to romantic relationships. 

For those of you in friendships where someone belittles you or continually makes you feel bad, I have a newsflash for you: those people are not your friends!  A dear friend told me years ago:  “If you want to fly with the eagles, don't hang with the turkeys!”  I love that.  If you’re tired of playing in the sandbox with gossipers and backbiters, find some grown-up friends with whom you share mutual respect and who will build you up, rather than tear you down.  "Oh, but what if I lose a friend?!" you say.  May I ask you: is it worth it?  Gossipers and backbiters are not your friends!  Ha, I know that sounds so simple, but it's quite a profound revelation.  We're comfortable with who we know.  But if I care more about how people perceive me than what God says about a situation, then it's due time to reevaluate the relationships in my life. 

“But what will they say when I’m gone?”    

They talked about you while you were there.  They'll talk about you when you're gone.  But, praise God, at least they have something to talk about!  People are going to say and do what they say and do.  Ain't nothing you can do about that.  What we have to do, is respect (prefer) God, not man.  But we like people to like us, don't we?  My friend, consider this:  the Israelites were around and bound in Egypt for YEARS.  Do you honestly think the Israelites, dragging around in their chains, had a relationship with the Egyptians?  Were they on an equal footing?  Absolutely not!  That's not a relationship: that's an abuse of power.  Let's bring it on home:  Do you think American slaves had a "relationship" with their masters?  Um...not a relationship that I'd want to be a part of!  If it's abusive, it is NOT a relationship.  You can wiggle around it, deny it, and you can dance like a worm on a pin, but it doesn't change the reality. 

If you jump into a snake pit, you’re going to get bit.  If you keep jumping into a snake pit, you’re going to get bitten some more.  I need to speak plainly to you, because philosophizing and pontificating about this stuff has kept people in some dangerous situations.  And too many people are getting hurt.  There is a way out.  You need to know that resident within you is the power to break free and that power is released as lightning fast as your ability to make a decision.

Child of God, don't ratify people's abusive conduct by suffering silently through the abuse.  Stand up in the power of God and say something or leave.  You can’t stand for Truth and remain in a lie, because the Truth will make you FREE.